Shame Can Go To Hell
For years, I thought I had to earn my worth. That if I could just be good enough, disciplined enough, pleasing enough, then I would finally feel worthy—of love, acceptance, even God’s grace. I wouldn’t have called it shame back then, but looking back, that’s exactly what it was. The quiet, gnawing voice that whispered, “You’re not enough. But maybe if you try harder, you will be.”
And here’s the thing about shame: it’s subtle. It doesn’t always scream at you—it sneaks in, shaping how you see yourself, how you interact with others, how you process failure. It makes you hustle for approval, for perfection, for a sense of belonging that always seems just out of reach.
Brene Brown, one of the leading researchers on shame, puts it this way:
“Shame is the warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.”
It is the fear of being unlovable—the belief that because we are flawed, we are unworthy of love, belonging, or connection. It’s the master emotion that hides beneath perfectionism, people-pleasing, addiction, and self-sabotage.
But here’s the most dangerous part: shame thrives in silence.
Brene Brown’s research shows that shame needs three things to grow:
Secrecy
Silence
Judgment
The less we talk about it, the more power it has over us. Shame flourishes when we hide—when we retreat into isolation, when we let our past define us, when we sit in guilt instead of stepping into grace. But shame loses its power when it is spoken.
And let me tell you—shame is not the voice of God.
Romans 8:1 says: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
There is only one voice that constantly reminds you of your flaws, your failures, and your worst moments. And it’s notcoming from above.
Shame vs. Guilt: Knowing the Difference
One of the most profound things I’ve learned is the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.”
Guilt can actually be healthy—it leads to repentance, to transformation, to making amends. But shame is toxic. It attacks identity, making us believe that because we failed, we are a failure. That because we’ve sinned, we are irredeemable.
But nothing—nothing—can disqualify you from the grace of God or the purpose He has for your life. No past mistake. No moment of weakness. No wrong turn.
Jesus didn’t walk this earth collecting perfect people—He walked straight toward the ones drowning in shame. Some of His most devoted disciples were women whose pasts were far from perfect.
The woman at the well? She had been through five husbands and was living with a man who wasn’t her husband.
Mary Magdalene? She had a history so broken that Jesus had to cast out seven demons from her.
The woman caught in adultery? Jesus literally covered her shame, knelt in the dirt beside her, and said, “I do not condemn you.”
If Jesus didn’t condemn them, why do we condemn ourselves?
Building Shame Resilience
As Brené Brown says, “We all have it. Shame is universal. The only people who don’t have it lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.”
If shame is inevitable, the real question is: how do we build resilience against it?
Brené Brown’s research found that people with high shame resilience do four things differently:
They understand shame – They recognise the thoughts, messages, and expectations that trigger shame in their lives.
They practise critical awareness – They challenge the lies that tell them their imperfections make them unworthy.
They reach out – They share their struggles with people who have earned the right to hear them.
They speak shame – They name it, talk about it, and refuse to let it grow in silence.
One of my favourite things Brené Brown says is:
"When we are looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, able to bend, and, most of all, someone who embraces us for our strengths and struggles."
This is why vulnerability is the antidote to shame. When we bring our struggles into the light, shame loses its power.
You don’t have to pretend you’re fine.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to hustle for your worth.
Because you are already loved. Already seen. Already chosen.
God Makes All Things New
One of the greatest lies shame tells us is that we are beyond redemption—that we’ve gone too far, made too many mistakes, and that God is just… done.
But that’s not who He is.
When you ask for forgiveness, He gives it. And then some.
When you ask Him to restore, He doesn’t just patch things up—He does a full renovation.
When you ask for a second chance, He gives you three… or four… or five… to infinity and beyond.
That’s the kind of grace we’re dealing with.
Genuine repentance leads to transformation. It doesn’t mean we excuse or justify our past, but it does mean we stop living under its weight.
Whatever shame has told you, God has the final word. And His word is always mercy, grace, and redemption.
Let Shame Go. Step Into Grace.
So, what do you do with shame?
You name it.
You talk about it.
You own your story.
And then? You let it go.
Shame and condemnation were never God’s language. He corrects, yes. He refines, yes. But He never shames. He calls. He loves. He redeems. And when shame comes knocking again? Let it go to hell—because that’s where it belongs.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article reflect my personal Christian beliefs and are not intended to be imposed on others. Readers are encouraged to explore their own spiritual and professional beliefs in line with their values.