Emotions Aren’t Enemies, They’re Indicators

Emotions aren’t enemies; they’re indicators, like little signals on a dashboard, revealing what’s happening beneath the surface, often tied to unconscious thoughts and core beliefs.

In psychology, we often use the iceberg model to explain how only a small portion of our feelings and behaviors are visible, while most of our emotional world lies beneath. These feelings serve as messengers, providing insight into our needs and areas of healing. When ignored, emotions can lead to disconnection from ourselves, manifesting in suppressed anger, depression, or physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches. Suppressed emotions are like dormant volcanoes, eventually erupting, often leading to addictive or avoidance behaviors that are rooted in unresolved trauma or unmet needs.

Facing our feelings means courageously acknowledging their presence, understanding their origins, and fully experiencing them.

According to J. Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith, authors of Untangling Emotions,

“Emotions are not the problem—it's what we do with them that matters.”

They highlight two extremes: being controlled by emotions or ignoring them completely, both of which are unhealthy.

Avoiding the Two Extremes

We don’t want to deal with emotions by either being controlled by them or dismissing them entirely. The loudest voice in Western culture often tells us that emotions are everything—the most important thing that defines us. However, Scripture reminds us, "Placing your feelings ahead of the quality of your character, ahead of faithfulness of your obedience to God, ahead of depth of your relationships with God and others, even place your feelings ahead of the feelings of others—is the opposite of what Scripture calls us to.” Detachment from emotions is equally damaging. Christianity is not about always feeling good. Sadness, grief, and anger are valid emotions that we must engage with rather than avoid.

Engage

Engagement is key. We must acknowledge and address our feelings, bringing them before God for healing and growth. Engage with them—don’t suppress or avoid. Scriptures guide us on how to handle emotions in a healthy way:

Psalm 42:11 (NIV)"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

Psalm 62:1 (NIV)Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."

Psalm 23:3: "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Practical Tips for Exploring What’s Beneath the Surface:

1. Consider Therapy

It’s no secret that I’m a strong advocate for therapy—not just as a clinician, but because I’ve personally experienced its transformative power. Years ago, early in my marriage, I sought counseling to work through unresolved issues, and it was truly life-changing. Therapy provides a supportive, non-judgmental space where you can safely explore your emotions, heal from past wounds, and break free from unhealthy coping mechanisms. With the guidance of a therapist, you gain clarity on cognitive distortions and are gently led toward deeper emotional healing. It’s an invaluable journey for anyone looking to grow and heal.

2. Increase Emotional Literacy

Emotional literacy simply means developing greater awareness and understanding of your own emotions while learning to recognise and respond to the emotions of others. Studies show that naming how you feel reduces emotional intensity and aids in emotional processing. By identifying and categorising your emotions, you manage your feelings with greater emotional intelligence.

3. Tune into Your Body

Emotions often manifest physically—whether through heart rate changes, muscle tension, or stomach discomfort. Paying attention to these cues allows you to become more self-aware and manage emotions effectively. Recognizing these early physical signs helps with emotional regulation and empowers you to navigate your feelings proactively, enhancing your emotional intelligence.

4. Allow God In

For Christians, emotional wholeness means inviting God into every area of life. By aligning our thoughts and beliefs with God's truth, we experience transformation.

Romans 12:2 reminds us: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Ultimately, facing our feelings and seeking emotional healing points us back to Jesus, our ultimate source of hope, redemption, and restoration.

Jesus understands our pain intimately and invites us to bring our burdens to Him (Matthew 11:28-29), where we find comfort and healing for our wounded hearts.

God created us as whole beings—social, emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual. Ignoring any aspect of ourselves leads to destructive consequences. So stop compartmentalising your life and let God into every part of it.

A congruent, integrated life is the path to freedom and wholeness.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article reflect my personal Christian beliefs and are not intended to be imposed on others. Readers are encouraged to explore their own spiritual and professional beliefs in line with their values.