Why the Best Relationships Are built on Friendship

When people think about great relationships, they often focus on passion, attraction, or compatibility. While those things matter, they do not form the strongest foundation for a lasting connection.

At the heart of every thriving relationship—whether in marriage, dating, or long-term partnerships—is something deeper than romance: friendship.

Research consistently shows that couples who are also best friends report higher levels of happiness, satisfaction, and longevity in their relationships. Friendship creates the glue that holds a relationship together when life gets tough, attraction fades, and challenges arise.

But what makes friendship such a vital component of a strong relationship? More importantly, how can couples cultivate it in a way that strengthens their connection over time?

Why Friendship Is the Key to a Strong Relationship

1. Friendship Creates Emotional Safety

At the core of any healthy relationship is a sense of safety and trust—the feeling that you can be fully yourself without fear of judgment or rejection.

Friendship provides this emotional foundation. It allows couples to communicate openly, express their thoughts and emotions honestly, and be vulnerable without the fear of being misunderstood or dismissed.

A relationship built on friendship fosters an environment where both partners feel secure in expressing their needs and concerns.

This means that within a friendship-based relationship, couples can share their dreams, fears, and personal struggles without pretense. They can experience life’s highs and lows together, knowing they have a partner who genuinely understands and supports them.

A study by John Gottman and Nan Silver (2015) found that couples who prioritise friendship and deep emotional connection are more likely to navigate conflict successfully and maintain long-term relationship satisfaction. When emotional safety is present, both partners feel heard, valued, and respected, making it easier to resolve issues and build intimacy.

2. Friendship Builds Longevity in Marriage

Many relationships begin with intense passion and excitement, but over time, that initial spark fades. The question then becomes: What keeps a relationship strong after the honeymoon phase? The answer is often found in deep companionship rather than just attraction.

I can say this with confidence because I married my best friend.

When I first met Ben, we were great friends before anything else. We could talk for hours, laugh over the smallest things, and simply enjoy being in each other’s presence. There was no pressure to impress, no need to play a role—we could just be ourselves.

Over time, as our friendship deepened, so did our love. And now, years into marriage, I am more convinced than ever that it was this foundation of friendship that has kept us strong.

Of course, there have been tough seasons. Life brings unexpected stress, parenting is demanding, and challenges arise. But the fact that we genuinely enjoy each other’s company means that even in the hardest moments, we can still find comfort, laughter, and connection.

Passion ebbs and flows. Excitement fades. But when you build your relationship on deep friendship, you create something that lasts beyond just the highs.

3. Friendship Strengthens Conflict Resolution

All relationships will face conflict. However, how couples approach disagreements determines whether they will grow closer or drift apart.

When a relationship is built on a foundation of friendship, conflicts do not feel like personal attacks. Instead, they become opportunities for understanding and growth.

Friendship fosters a mindset where both partners assume the best about each other, making them less likely to jump to defensiveness or blame. It encourages a dynamic where listening is prioritised over proving a point, and where the focus shifts from winning an argument to protecting the relationship.

Research from the Gottman Institute highlights that couples who maintain a strong friendship are more likely to approach conflict with humour, grace, and problem-solving skills rather than defensiveness or stonewalling.

When friendship is at the core of a relationship, conflict does not have to tear couples apart. Instead, it can serve as a tool for strengthening their bond and deepening their understanding of each other.

How to Cultivate Friendship in a Relationship

1. Prioritise Quality Time

Friendship grows through intentional time spent together. In a world where work, responsibilities, and digital distractions compete for attention, it is essential to carve out moments for meaningful connection.

Spending time together should not just be about co-existing but about genuinely engaging with each other. Simple activities like taking walks, having deep conversations, sharing hobbies, or simply sitting together with undivided attention can strengthen a relationship.

The key is to be present—ask questions, listen with curiosity, and make the other person feel seen and heard.

2. Find Joy in Laughter

Laughter is one of the most powerful bonding tools in a relationship. Studies show that couples who laugh together regularly report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

A shared sense of humour can lighten tense situations, create positive memories, and bring an effortless sense of joy into the relationship. Whether through inside jokes, watching funny movies, or simply finding humour in the mundane, laughter deepens connection and reinforces friendship.

3. Be a Safe Place for Each Other

One of the greatest gifts a couple can give each other is emotional safety.

A friendship-based relationship means being a person your partner can turn to in both joyful and difficult moments.

This requires actively validating each other’s feelings, celebrating successes without comparison, and offering grace instead of judgment. A healthy relationship should be a refuge where both partners feel free to be their authentic selves without fear of criticism or rejection.

4. Keep Learning About Each Other

Even in long-term relationships, there is always more to discover about a partner. People grow and change over time, and maintaining curiosity about each other is essential.

Asking new questions, actively listening, and continuing to date each other—even after years of being together—keeps the friendship dynamic alive. A deep, evolving friendship ensures that the relationship continues to grow rather than becoming stagnant.

Love Without Friendship Won’t Last—But Friendship-Based Love Will

At its core, a relationship is not just about maintaining romance or passion; it is about choosing each other, over and over again.

It is about showing up, even when it is not easy.
It is about being each other’s safe place in an unpredictable world.
It is about laughing, learning, and growing together—just as the best of friends do.

A strong foundation of friendship ensures that a relationship does not just survive but thrives through life’s inevitable ups and downs.