The Five Stages of Grief

Grief is an intensely personal experience, yet it’s something we can all relate to. Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a significant change in life, the emotional weight of it can feel overwhelming. As a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of supporting many individuals through their grief, helping them understand and navigate their emotions.

The truth is, you don’t move on from grief—you learn to move forward with it.

t's important to understand that grief doesn’t follow a set path—there is no "right" way to grieve. While the stages outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance—offer a framework, they don’t always occur in a clear or linear order. As Dr. Pauline Boss puts it, “Grief is not a linear process. It’s more like waves—sometimes calm, sometimes overwhelming. But it does pass.” These waves represent the many different ways we process loss.

Let’s explore the Five Stages of Grief and how to navigate your way forward.

Stage 1: Denial – The Protective Shield

Denial is often the first response to grief. When a loss occurs, especially unexpectedly, it can feel like your world has been upended. Your mind may respond by numbing the pain, leading you to feel disconnected or as though what you're experiencing is unreal. You might catch yourself thinking, "This can’t be happening," or "I’m sure I’ll wake up from this nightmare."

I remember losing a close friend a few years ago, and it felt so surreal. I couldn’t quite accept that she was really gone. It wasn’t until I saw her husband cry at her funeral that the reality of the situation truly hit me. In that moment, the loss became undeniable, and the pain of it started to sink in. It was a profound and difficult moment, but it marked the shift from denial to the painful acknowledgment of her absence.

Denial serves as a protective cushion, allowing you time to absorb the reality of what’s happening.

If you find yourself in this stage, it’s okay to feel numb or distant. You don't have to confront the full pain right away. Take things slowly. Talk to someone you trust when you’re ready, or engage in quiet reflection through journaling. Don’t pressure yourself to "snap out of it" or rush through this stage—give yourself the space to adjust to the reality in your own time.

Stage 2: Anger – The Bursting Emotions

Once the reality of the loss starts to sink in, many people experience anger. Anger might be directed at the person who has passed, yourself, others around you, or even the situation itself. It can feel like a wave of frustration and resentment, as though the world has wronged you or that things could have been different. Anger is a natural emotion, but it can also be destructive if left unchecked. When you feel angry, try to recognise it without judgement.

Acknowledge that anger as often a part of the grief process.

Finding healthy outlets for this emotion is key. Physical activities like walking, running, or breathing excercises can help release tension. Speaking with a therapist or confiding in a trusted friend can also offer support. It's important to release the anger in ways that won’t harm yourself or others—this stage can be cathartic when processed mindfully.

Stage 3: Bargaining – The "What If" Thoughts

Bargaining often comes after anger has settled, as the mind tries to make sense of the loss. You might find yourself thinking, "If only I had done this differently," or "What if I had said something sooner?" This stage is filled with self-reflection and guilt, as the mind attempts to "bargain" with the past to avoid the pain of the present.

It’s important to realise that "what if" thinking doesn’t change the reality of what has happened.

While it’s normal to wish you could have done something differently, it’s helpful to remind yourself that you did the best you could with the knowledge and circumstances available to you. Shifting your focus to what you can control now, in the present, is essential. Practice self-compassion, and if necessary, speak to a therapist to help you understand and move beyond these thoughts.

I remember a client, who constantly found herself thinking, "If I had just visited my father more often, maybe he would still be here." She struggled with guilt for not spending enough time with him before he passed. Over time, she realised that she had been juggling her own life responsibilities and hadn’t been able to see him as much as she wished. Once she allowed herself to acknowledge that, it was easier for her to forgive herself and focus on the positive memories they shared.

Stage 4: Depression – The Depths of Sorrow

Depression often follows when the true weight of the loss hits. You may feel overwhelmed with sadness, fatigue, and hopelessness. It may feel as though the world has lost its colour, and you might find yourself withdrawing from others.

Depression is an exhausting stage, and it’s important to be kind to yourself. If you’re struggling to get out of bed, don’t force yourself to "be happy" right away. Small steps are crucial—whether it’s taking a short walk, eating something nourishing, or reaching out to a close friend for support. Remember that grief can feel like a deep sadness, but it’s not something you need to face alone. Seek support from loved ones or a professional who can guide you through this challenging stage. Allow yourself to grieve, but also allow yourself to rest and recover.

The pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love. Both are inseparable." – Dr. Colin Murray Parkes

Stage 5: Acceptance – Finding Peace with the Loss

Acceptance doesn’t mean "getting over" the loss. Instead, it’s about finding a way to move forward with the loss integrated into your life.

You begin to understand that while life is forever changed, you can still find peace and purpose despite the absence.

At this stage, healing begins to feel less about "fixing" the grief and more about learning how to live with it. You may find that you start to create new routines or activities that help you connect to the person or situation you’ve lost. Perhaps you engage in volunteer work or find ways to honour their memory. Acceptance allows you to cherish the past while embracing the future. It’s important to continue nurturing yourself, to allow for moments of joy, and to understand that grief will always be a part of your life, but it will no longer define you.

There is no single timeline for grief. Each person moves through the stages differently, and at different speeds. It's important to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, without comparing your journey to others'. Some days will feel more manageable, while others will feel overwhelming.

The most important part of this process is being kind to yourself. Grief can feel isolating, but remember you are not alone. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can make a profound difference. Whether you’re in the midst of your grief or starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, trust that healing is possible. You will learn to carry your grief with you, but it won’t control your life.

"Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. It reminds you of where you’ve been and what you’ve lost." – Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

With compassion and patience, you will find your way through grief. Allow yourself the space to feel, to heal, and to honour your journey. In time, you’ll discover that while grief will always be a part of you, it doesn’t define you. Embrace the future with an open heart, knowing that healing is possible and that you are stronger than you realise.

Disclaimer: The resources provided on this site are for educational purposes only and are not intended as a replacement for professional therapy, counselling, or medical care. Please consult with a licensed mental health clinician for any personal concerns or questions. In case of a crisis, contact emergency services immediately.