Healing Your Inner Child
Let’s be real — all of us have emotional needs. As children, we needed love, safety, independence, space to express ourselves, and opportunities to just play and be kids. When those needs were met, we felt secure, confident, and free to grow into our best selves. But when those core needs weren’t met (or were met in unhealthy ways), we developed patterns of thinking and feeling — what psychologists call schemas — that still shape how we see the world and relate to others today.
Schemas are like invisible scripts running in the background of our lives, quietly influencing our self-worth, our relationships, and even how we handle stress. They often whisper things like, “You’re not good enough,” or “Don’t trust anyone,” or “Your needs don’t matter.”
So where do these unhelpful beliefs come from? Most of the time, they’re rooted in unmet emotional needs during childhood.
Maybe you grew up in a home where affection was rare, and you had to be ‘tough’ to get by. Maybe your parents gave you total freedom with no guidance, leaving you craving safe boundaries. Or perhaps you were taught that showing emotions was weak, so you learned to hide how you really felt. These early experiences leave imprints — deep grooves that can pull us into the same patterns over and over again.
The Core Emotional Needs We All Have
No matter who you are, you were born with these basic emotional needs:
Love & Safety – Knowing you were cherished and protected.
Independence – Feeling free to think, explore, and make choices.
Self-Expression – Being able to share your feelings and needs without fear.
Playfulness – Being allowed to laugh, play, and just be a kid.
Limits & Guidance – Having healthy boundaries to keep you safe and secure.
When these needs weren’t fully met, our inner child learned to adapt. For some, that meant people-pleasing to earn love. For others, it meant shutting down their emotions to avoid being a burden. No matter the story, unmet needs leave behind a hunger — a longing for something we didn’t quite receive.
Why Your Story Matters
Every person’s story is different, even within the same family. One child might crave independence while another needs more reassurance and closeness. Our unique personalities (and even how sensitive we were as kids) shape how we experienced our world — and how we learned to cope. Sometimes, the way our parents showed love just didn’t match what we needed most. This isn’t about blame; it’s about understanding. When we understand, we can start to heal.
How to Start Healing Your Unmet Emotional Needs
1. Recognise the Gaps
The first step is gently acknowledging that some of your needs went unmet — not because you were flawed, but because life is complicated, and sometimes the people raising us were carrying their own wounds. There’s no shame in admitting your needs weren’t fully seen, understood, or cared for. This isn’t weakness. It’s bravery.
2. Go Back to Move Forward
Healing often requires looking back — not to get stuck in the past, but to gently comfort the parts of you that are still waiting to be seen and held. When you revisit those memories, you have the chance to offer your inner child the compassion they never received. Sometimes, that means rewriting the story you tell yourself about what happened — trading self-blame for self-compassion.
3. Meet Your Needs in Healthy Ways Today
The beautiful thing is — it’s not too late. You can begin meeting your emotional needs now, in ways that are life-giving and healthy. It might look like building relationships where you can be your real, unfiltered self. It might mean learning to ask for help instead of carrying it all alone. It definitely means breaking patterns that no longer serve you — like people-pleasing, avoidance, or perfectionism.
You’re not needy or broken for having these needs. You’re human. And God designed you for connection — with Him, with others, and with your own heart.
If this stirred something in you, I want to remind you — you are not your past, and you are not the sum of your unmet needs. With self-compassion, support, and a whole lot of grace, you can start giving yourself what you always needed. And as you do, you’ll discover that healing isn’t about fixing who you are — it’s about coming home to the beautiful, worthy, and deeply loved person you’ve always been.
Disclaimer: The resources provided on this site are for educational purposes only and are not intended as a replacement for professional therapy, counselling, or medical care. Please consult with a licensed mental health clinician for any personal concerns or questions. In case of a crisis, contact emergency services immediately.