Helping Kids Manage Big Emotions

As parents, we all know that kids experience big emotions that can feel like a whirlwind—one minute, everything is fine, and the next, you’re dealing with tears, tantrums, or frustration. Managing these feelings can be tough for kids, but with the right tools and a bit of guidance, they can learn to handle their emotions in healthy ways. Let’s explore some simple strategies, drawn from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and positive parenting, that can help your child navigate these intense moments.

Understanding Big Emotions

First things first, it’s important to recognize that big emotions are completely normal. Kids are still learning how to identify and express their feelings, and sometimes those feelings just come out in big, messy ways. As parents, we can help them by offering empathy and creating a safe space for them to express themselves without judgment.

1. Naming the Feeling

One of the best gifts we can give our children is helping them put a name to their emotions. When a child is overwhelmed, simply labeling their feelings can bring clarity. You might say, “It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now. Do you want to talk about it?” This simple act of naming the feeling helps kids understand what they’re going through and shows them that their emotions are valid.

Try This: Use a feelings chart to help younger children connect their body sensations to emotions. This gives them a visual tool to express what they’re feeling when words are hard to find.

2. Validate Their Experience

As tempting as it can be to “fix” your child’s emotions, the most powerful thing you can do is simply validate what they’re feeling. Kids need to know that it’s okay to be sad, angry, or scared sometimes. Saying something like, “I can see that this is really hard for you, and that’s okay. I’m here to help,” can make a huge difference.

Therapist’s Tip: Instead of telling them to “calm down” or “stop crying,” offer a hug and some comforting words. Let them know that it’s okay to feel big emotions and that you’re there to support them.

3. Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises

When emotions are running high, teaching your child some simple mindfulness or breathing exercises can be a game-changer. Mindfulness helps kids focus on the present moment and gives them space to calm down before reacting. A favorite technique for kids is balloon breathing, where they imagine inflating a balloon with a big breath and slowly letting it out.

Try This: Practice deep belly breathing together when things are calm, so your child knows how to use this tool when emotions feel overwhelming. You can make it fun by counting breaths or adding a visualization like blowing up an imaginary balloon.

4. Using the "STOP" Skill

In DBT, we talk a lot about the “STOP” skill—Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed mindfully. It’s a great way for kids (and parents!) to hit pause when emotions are taking over. Teaching your child to stop and think before reacting helps them respond more thoughtfully, rather than acting impulsively.

Tip for Parents: Practice this skill together. Role-play common scenarios where emotions might run high, like getting frustrated with homework or feeling upset over sharing toys. Walk through how to “STOP” and make a mindful choice before reacting.

5. Positive Parenting: Model Emotional Regulation

Children often mirror the emotional responses they see in their parents. If we want them to manage their emotions well, we need to model it ourselves. That doesn’t mean being perfect—it just means showing them that it’s okay to take a deep breath, to say, “I need a moment,” or to talk through your feelings in a healthy way.

Therapist’s Tip: When you feel overwhelmed, talk through your process with your child. For example, “I’m feeling a little stressed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths and then we can talk.” This models emotional regulation in a real, practical way.

6. Encourage "Opposite Action"

When kids feel stuck in an emotion—like sadness, anger, or fear—DBT’s opposite action technique can help them move forward. This means encouraging them to do the opposite of what their emotion might be telling them. If they’re feeling really sad and want to isolate, suggest an activity that involves moving their body or connecting with someone.

Therapist’s Tip: If your child is angry, instead of reacting aggressively, encourage them to use their energy in a positive way, like going for a run, playing a sport, or even drawing their feelings out on paper.

7. Create a Calm Corner

Rather than using traditional time-outs, set up a calm corner in your home. This is a cozy space where your child can go to regulate their emotions. Fill it with calming tools like soft pillows, coloring books, sensory toys, or favorite stuffed animals.

Try This: Let your child decorate their calm corner, so they feel a sense of ownership over their space. Encourage them to use it as a place to reset when emotions feel too big.

Final Thoughts

Helping kids manage big emotions doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By giving them the tools to understand and regulate their feelings, you’re setting them up for emotional resilience in the long run. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Each time your child practices one of these skills, they’re learning how to handle life’s ups and downs with more confidence—and so are you.

As a parent, you don’t have to have all the answers. What matters most is that your child feels seen, heard, and supported. Together, you can navigate those big emotions with grace, patience, and a whole lot of love.